The last couple of days have been really tough. I found out my grandfather is going to be dying very soon instead of getting better like I had been vainly hoping. When leaving for Japan, one of the things I was most worried about was that someone was going to die while I was gone, but then it seemed too early to think about it too much, and I was mostly worried about what my immediate problems would be settling in. Now I'm settled in almost completely (I guess it's not really a process that stops), and I'm finding out that what I was wishing would go away had come back so much sooner than expected. It's not necessarily what's happening, it's more of the speed at which it's happening. I've been here about three months and already I'm stressed about having to find a flight to go back home and navigate the trip by myself. Not to mention what will happen when I get there, and how much my jetlag will hinder my being able to participate. I know that a lot has happened since I've left, and I don't know how well I'll be jumping right back into it, especially when I expect to be exhausted the whole time. Nothings even really happened yet, I've only just found out I'll be having to go back a little while ago and I'm already feeling shut down.
I guess the process has started a little bit though. I've talked to my teacher about taking days off, and she's going to talk to the Vice Principal, and then I'll have to fill out a form with the Board of Education, which of course isn't a big deal but the idea of paperwork makes it that much more official sounding. Then I have to take a vacation day to go get my re-entry permit, I think that's at City Hall. I'm also so scared of riding the bullet train and getting through the airport by myself. I've done customs by myself before, but it's exhausting.
Also, I am aware that mostly my worries are centered around me. I really have no idea what's going on at home, and it helps to just not think about it. Yesterday I was supposed to go to a drinking party in honor of one of the teachers. I had run out of kanji to study which is how I've been distracting myself. I had to cancel an hour before we were set to go, because I was just sitting at my desk ruminating over what everyone else must be feeling and I knew that I was not in a state to drink. So I went home and talked to Elizabeth on Skype.
Posting before I proofread.